It’s time for another episode of The Bachelorette, everyone! After the peaceful transfer of power last week, Tayshia is our new Bachelorette. And she’s ready to have a bomb summer and fall in love, in that order. So let’s start this journey. Again! We never tire of it.

Emily: At the start of this episode, we pick up pretty much where we left off, just ready to get Tayshia’s journey started already. Some of these guys think they were already in love with Clare, so they’re all a little apprehensive about opening their heart to another woman ever. Blake is like, “The next person who walks in the door has to be similar to Clare and where they’re at in their life.” So like. Not 25.

Susan: The dudes, sockless as always, sit and wait for their new Bachelorette to appear. They are VERY happy to see Tayshia, who gives a fun toast like she’s been doing this her whole life.

Emily: Tayshia’s like, “We’re going to have a bomb summer, so cheers to that. But also I want to find love, do you?” Which sounds very serious.

Susan: Tayshia starts meeting the men. There aren’t a ton of highlights, but here’s something: Riley, who is a medical malpractice defense attorney, asks Tayshia what her job is, and she says she travels quite a bit for work and pleasure and is in the “beauty and lifestyle space.” She’s an influencer.

It’s hard work, but someone’s gotta do it.

Emily: One of the guys Tayshia seems to hit it off with right away is Ivan. They share a very deep conversation in which they’re both like, “you look good,” “no you look good.” Yes, it’s The Bachelorette. We’re all hot. Ivan feels like he’s gotten a whole new chance on this show. He says he felt like he was going to go home soon, and now he feels like Tayshia is more his speed. Tayshia and Clare seem like very different people, vibe-wise. So this makes sense.

Susan: The only two non-Dale guys who developed feelings for Clare—Blake and Jason—both have hesitations. Blake basically says he’ll be fun and cool eventually. Jason admits that he had/still has feelings for Clare, but he is excited to meet Tayshia.

Emily: Blake, bro, nobody has time for eventually. A lot of these dudes are ready to be fun, like, right now.

Susan: As Tayshia is getting to know her early frontrunner, aka Brendan, Chris Harrison interrupts to tell her—in an unnecessarily dramatic way—that “everything is about to change.” A total of one carload of new men are here. (Or, as one of the men watching from inside puts it: “We got a whole-ass limo out there.”)

Emily: Just to save us some time, Susan and I went ahead and drafted these guys ahead of time. I should let you know we both battled it out over Spencer, but I got him after a tough battle. We both came out with scars. Watch him not be worth anything after all that, but at least he’s making waves on night one. He saunters into the room with the rest of the guys and jokes, “So which one of you scared off Clare?” These guys do not think this is a funny joke. They are very triggered.

Spencer isn’t messing around… well, he kind of is.

Susan: Next up is Montel, a gym owner who is bringing back the infamous salmon jacket look from Hannah’s season. Then there is Peter, a 32-year-old real estate agent who will not be around long. Montel is on Emily’s team, and Peter is on mine.

Emily: Last up is Noah, who’s also on Susan’s team. I have no notes on him, but he has a mustache. Susan tells me he’s a traveling nurse.

Susan: Everyone automatically hates these new men, but they seem pretty much the same as all the other dudes. They just weren’t there when these men went through the apparently harrowing experience of meeting Clare.

Emily: Avoiding the mistake that the dudes made on their first date with Clare, Spencer jumps up right away to pull Tayshia for a chat.

Susan: Spencer tells Tayshia that he 1) is 30 years old, and 2) is a “big beach guy.” Somehow she thinks this qualifies as a fun and stimulating conversation.

Emily: Tayshia keeps saying, “I love that,” which I found confusing because she wasn’t even on Arie’s season.

Susan: Zac, who gets more screen time in this episode than in the previous four combined, tells Tayshia she’s a breath of fresh air. They throw a coin in the fountain and make a wish, and they promise to tell each other what their wish was...someday.

Emily: Susan’s men are really shining this episode. I feel like I’m about to be in trouble.

Susan: Ben, another one who got some actual screen time in this episode, slow dances very stiffly with Tayshia. They’re cute in a super awkward way.

Emily: In spite of all of Susan’s men getting lots of time with Tayshia, it’s Spencer’s sparkling conversation about surfing that really stood out to our girl at the end of the night, and he gets the first impression rose. Since we don’t normally award points on night one, we won’t be giving out any points until after this first night since this is Tayshia’s first night with the dudes. So, as is tradition, no points for the first impression rose. But of course the fact that new guy Spencer gets it really ticks off the old guys. Tayshia decides to cancel the rose ceremony because she wants to get to know these guys better. She says, “The love of my life is definitely in this room.” I noted she didn’t say husband. Hmmmm… will we only be getting one engagement this season?

Susan: Now that we’re enjoying our new journey, Chris Harrison pops up with a far-too-lengthy interview segment with Clare and Dale. They’re really pushing this “What’s the catch?” narrative, and I’m over it. Let these people live. This whole section of the episode isn’t that interesting, so I’m gonna sum it all up for you: Clare and Dale say it was love at first sight. They both “show up” for each other. Apparently this interview was filmed mere days after they got engaged. That’s why there’s nothing of substance in this interview. If you want to listen to a real interview with Clare and Dale, listen to them on the Bachelor Happy Hour podcast with Rachel Lindsay and Becca Kufrin.

Emily: All I really wanted to know was whether or not Dale had watched the DVD Clare’s Dad recorded. And we didn’t get an answer to that. So this interview is useless to me.

Susan: Okay, Emily, what’s going on elsewhere in the La Quinta Resort?

Emily: Well, Tayshia is journaling, which is apparently what all these women do when they’re alone in their hotel rooms. I wonder if she’s secretly playing a game of MASH with all of the contestants’ names in there. And that’s how she’s going to decide who to pick at the end.

Anyway, the time has come for Tayshia’s first group date. And it goes to Blake, Riley, Zac, Jordan, Noah, Peter, Kenny, Jay, Eazy, and Spencer. The date card says, “Here’s to a second shot at love.”

Susan: When they see Tayshia in her red bikini, they’re all amazed at how hot she is. I am amazed at how much hotter she is than all of them. They swim around for a while before Chris comes in and tells them they’re gonna play “splash ball,” which is just basketball in the pool.

Emily: Yeah, splash ball is not a thing.

Susan: Remember when I said I was curious what Kenny’s chest tattoo was? Now I’ve seen it and I hate it. Has a giant American flag tattoo EVER been a good idea?

Emily: I hate Kenny. Anyway, they all get into Speedos to play because I guess The Bachelorette really doesn’t know how else to entertain viewers aside from showing us these men in barely any clothing.

Susan: When I saw the Speedos, all I could think about was how Yosef would react to yet another “classless display.” Just kidding. Fuck off, Yosef.

Emily: The only thing of note that happens during this “splash ball” game is that I guess Riley and Spencer kind of get into a little scuffle and Riley ends up elbowing Spencer in the face. Or as Riley put it, “His face hit my elbow.”

Susan: Chris is a terrible basketball announcer. Every time someone shoots, he says they “jack it up.” The blue team “jacked it up” more, so the team of Zac, Eazy, Spencer, Jay, and Noah wins the game and a private BBQ and open bar with Tayshia. Losing team will return for the cocktail party later.

Emily: I got really confused here and thought I might have blacked out for a moment. Because we don’t get any footage of the private BBQ with the open bar. It’s really weird. Anyway, back at the La Quinta… wait… all of this is happening at La Quinta. Well. Back at another part of La Quinta in the holding cell for the other guys not on the date, Brendan gets the first one-on-one. This is incredible because I literally had no idea who Brendan was before this episode. Tayshia is really shaking things up, and Brendan gets 20 points.

Susan: Jason is having a hard time because sharing his emotions with Clare made him fully fall in love with her. That’s how I know his one-on-one date was the first time he ever told a woman about anything personal. He says he is “hanging on by a piece of floss.” LOL

Emily: This is how I know Jason really needs therapy. Because that wasn’t a date he had with Clare. That was a therapy session. It was ONE THERAPY SESSION, Jason.

Emily: At the cocktail party, Tayshia is making her rounds and getting to know the dudes. She kisses Zac, which earns him 2 points.

Susan: Kenny, who is getting worse by the episode, decides to tell Spencer that he doesn’t like him. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you come off like a dick.” I think he took it the wrong way, bro.

Emily: Spencer says, “I’m not going out of my way to make enemies with anybody.” But he’s definitely giving off “I’m not here to make friends” vibes. During his 1-on-1 time with Tayshia, he gives her a little side kiss because his mouth is injured. But I’m still going to count it for 2 points. Somehow Eazy gets the group date rose though, and I’m not sure why, but go ahead and take your 10 points, Susan.

Susan: Jason tells some of the other men that he loves Clare and he can’t put his whole heart into Tayshia. He also cries for 2 points. Jason heads to Tayshia’s suite to tell her that she deserves someone who is all in, so he is leaving. Self-elimination gets him 10 points.

Emily: This is so dumb. Let’s just move on to the 1-on-1. I’ve got nothing.

Susan: Tayshia arrives on horseback to pick up Brendan for her first one-on-one date. This is the most 2020 moment of the season so far: They just ride horses around the resort and Chris Harrison plays the role of “street vendor,” racing ahead of them on a scooter to offer them ice cream and coconut drinks. I wish this bit was funnier.

Emily: Truly Chris has never worked this hard in a Bachelor or Bachelorette season before.

Susan: Tayshia and Brendan swim for a bit, and they make out in the pool (2 points). In an ITM, Tayshia says, “I’m ready to go home with this man...Brendan is everything.” Off camera, the producers shit their pants and call in a third bachelorette to start quarantining.

Emily: Yeah, it does really seem like Brendan is the clear frontrunner now. Their dinner later just cements it. Brendan opens up to Tayshia about his previous marriage and divorce. As we know, this is something Tayshia can relate to because she has also been married before. Susan and I have also both gotten divorced (not from each other), so we’re here for the divorcée representation.

Susan: I really liked this conversation. This show has a real aversion to talking about divorce, even when it’s a contestant’s parents’ divorce. It was refreshing to see two people who got divorced young and seem to have really learned what they do and do not want in a marriage. It takes courage to get out of a marriage that doesn’t work to look for something that does. Brendan, of course, gets the rose for 10 more points.

Emily: Yes, this conversation felt very natural, and it’s going to take a lot in the next few episodes to convince me that Brendan isn’t going to win this whole thing. Of course they get fireworks.