It's finally fall, and I'm running on pumpkin spice lattes and dying to wear all of my cute sweaters. (Is it going to cool down anytime soon?) Poetry always gets me in the mood for new seasons, so I'm here with the perfect autumn-inspired poems to help you pretend it isn't 95 degrees outside. Get out your decorative gourds and a cup of (iced) apple cider to read the poems on this list because it's October, damn it, even if it doesn't feel like it yet.Read More
Susan: It’s finally over, y’all. But it did take three hours to wrap it up because this is #BachelorNation’s world and we’re all just living in it.
Emily: I hate everything. Why are we here? Why are we doing this? FML.
Susan: Time for fantasy suites! There are four couples remaining: Dylan and Hannah, Demi and Kristian, Chris and Katie, and Clay and Nicole.
Emily: I really wish they had just found a way to wrap this up last week so that we could just have the reunion special this week. All of this just seems overwrought and overly dramatic for no good reason. I’m unsure of why the pressure to get engaged to someone you’ve known for only three weeks seems so real to these people. All I can think is that their producers must be really good at their jobs, and that the BiP bubble is a very real thing that they’re all experiencing.Read More
Love is in the air, and we will be getting to Krystal and Chris’s wedding in a bit. But first!
Emily: Hi Bach Nation. I just want to start by apologizing for this recap being so late. Frankly, Susan and I are getting BiP fatigue and recapping this show is actually driving us insane. We regret everything. And yet here we are, finishing out this godforsaken show because we have made a promise to you, the people, to bring you this BiP content. So let’s do this so I can go to bed.
Susan: We’re just starting this recap and I’m already tired. Strap in because you’re in for a lot of JPJ in a lot of different moods. Derek is sad about Demi, but he’s moving on by letting people bury him in the sand. Paradise is weird. Meanwhile, Tayshia tells Kristina she’s interested in Derek because he’s established and has his stuff together (read: not 24 years old).Read More
Lots to cover on this week of Bachelor in Paradise, so let’s hop right to it.
Susan: Leave it BiP to bring us back right in the middle of a fight we all forgot was happening. It’s Jordan vs. Christian and his piñata, and it’s not going well.
Emily: It’s clear Jordan’s feeling a little “YOLO” as he doesn’t have any romantic attachments at this point, and Jordan is trying to recreate the iconic throwing the stuffed animal into the ocean moment from last year. But shit gets real real fast, and Jordan body slams Christian off of a platform and into the sand? Yikes.
Susan: Jordan saunters off after, and it takes like six security people to restrain Christian who has actual murder in his eyes. Nicole says this is the last thing she wanted to happen, but like five minutes ago she was talking about how she wants someone to be aggressive. Aggression is less cool in practice, and I think she sees that now.
Emily: Wills, the voice of reason on this show, is like, “Jordan, you’re an idiot bro.” Mike says, “If someone does that, you just need to be G about it.” Jordan is not at all a G. Meanwhile this piñata is just sitting on the ground NOT busted up and I’m like okay but what is in this piñata, my dudes? The world may never know.Read More
Allegedly, ANTM will have a Cycle 25 and it will air “sometime in 2019.” Well, Tyra, I’m all out of patience, and I’m here to get the smize ball rolling for you. It’s time to give the people what they want: another All-Star Cycle. So tooch your booties and dust off your signature walk because I’m giving you the All-Star cast we all deserve.Read More
"Hey girl! I was just looking at your pictures, and you're so cute! I love how much spunk and personality you have! Have you ever thought about doing what I do? You'd be GREAT at it! I make money just by selling products I love on social media! It's so easy, and I make great money! Right now we're running a special and you can sign up to be a presenter for a MAJORLY discounted price. Plus, FREE products! Are you in?!"
If you haven't gotten at least one DM like this from an acquaintance in the past three years, are you even on social media? These all-to-familiar messages (read: pitches) are from people who work for "Multi-Level Marketing" companies, or MLMs. Some of the more common ones you've probably seen shared on social media include but are not limited to: Rodan + Fields, Younique, Mary Kay, SeneGence (LipSense), Monat, ItWorks!, Arbonne and LuLaRoe. There are countless more. I was already fascinated by MLMs before I discovered The Dream, a podcast from Stitcher and Little Everywhere that investigates and exposes the problems with such companies.Read More
This season of Bachelorette recapping has involved a lot of Luke P., and frankly, I think we’re all over him. But not all Bachelor/ette villains are as truly awful as Luke. Here are some memorable villains I’d rather be stuck on a desert island with than Luke P.Read More
Y’all. This episode. It had everything.
Sexy massages, fancy boats, windmill sex (!), and -- finally -- the breakup we’ve been waiting for all season. It’s the best episode we’ve seen in a long time, and we’re ready to break it all down for you. Let’s get to it so we can get to where Luke fucks off back to where he came from.
This week’s episode of The Bachelorette was super fascinating!
Psych! It was hometowns, the worst week of this whole dang show. But we’re here to recap it anyway. LEGGO!
Emily: Before we get into this, I just want to come out and say that Hometowns are boring AF. Of all the formulaic episodes, hometowns are the most formulaic. It’s almost as if these families are given a script. Sure, we have a few tweaks here and there every season, but to me this is the episode that’s the LEAST interesting to recap (unless The Bachelorette airs a recap episode halfway into the season… then that’s the least interesting thing to recap). But I guess let’s get into this? Now that I’ve made you readers super excited about reading this. It’s going to be great, I promise.Read More