You may have first heard about the film Annette during the surge of headlines coming out of the Cannes film festival, which were most commonly some variation of “Annette: The New Musical Where Adam Driver Sings While Performing Oral Sex on Marion Cotillard.” I understand that this is a huge selling point for many people, but the focus on this scene has left a lot of people in the dark re: the actual facts of this motion picture, like the part where the titular Annette is an infant played by the scariest puppet you will ever lay eyes on. This review is not a part of BSG’s annual series of horror films leading up to Halloween, but reader, it might as well be.

Annette is the latest from director Leos Carax, and has been receiving rave reviews from critics and cinephiles alike. I’m actually surprised that it isn’t more divisive, given how utterly bizarre it is, but the film stands at a respectable 75% on Rotten Tomatoes. As one of Annette’s brave detractors, I know that I will be taking some heat for my open disdain, but I will tell you this: one of my closest friends has already accused me of disliking the film because I am jealous of Baby Annette’s success as a child star—a success I never managed to achieve despite my best efforts and years of voice lessons—so please take this entire review with a grain of salt. As it stands, I am a little bit jealous of Baby Annette.