Sometimes, I like to punish myself with very difficult video games. There’s pleasure in the frustration of dying over and over, only to eventually accomplish whatever goal the game aims for. The repetitiveness of retracing one’s steps is meditative. Rage quitting only builds excitement and determination.

But none of that is supposed to happen in games about exploration and discovery. Outer Wilds, Mobius Digital’s 2019 game about space exploration at the end of the universe, advertises itself as a self-paced journey about space and new worlds. 

But really, it’s about dying. A lot. And trying not to die. And trying to save everyone else from dying. (Spoilers for Outer Wilds to follow)

Outer Wilds follows an unnamed first person protagonist as they prepare to launch into space for the first time. The protagonist comes from a community of space explorers bent on unlocking the secrets of the universe and learning more about the Nomai, an alien race that colonized the solar system thousands of years ago. Luckily, one of the amphibious, many-eyed friends of the protagonist has created a translator for Nomai writing, so the player is ready to go out into space after a quick bit of practice with the game’s most used mechanics (flying ships and jet packs, avoiding Ghost Matter, and keeping a sharp eye out for anything interesting). 

And you know, I should’ve suspected that things were going to go poorly once I saw the protagonist’s ship. It was made out of mostly wood, with some metal bits holding it all together. It seemed like three spaceships mashed into one monstrosity. Inside, there was a ship’s log that looked more advanced than anything else aboard. A tiny green house plant sat by the cockpit. That was nice. Flying the thing was even more unwieldy than training had prepared me for. My first attempt at space travel resulted in me crash landing on a planet and dying within minutes. I sat back and waited for the inevitable reload point, but it didn’t come. 

Instead, the game shot me back to the beginning. Well, sort of. The protagonist wakes up with a gasp after dying, finding that they remember the launch codes needed to fly into space, but no one on the island remembers interacting with them that day. Yes, the protagonist is stuck in a time loop.

I flew back into space, accidentally went into the sun.

Time loop, right back where I started. 

I walked around on a planet for a bit, then got eaten by a giant fish. 

Time loop. It’s launch day again. 

I woke up, flew, and died about six times before I experienced the end of the universe. After finally getting a handle on flying that junker of a ship, I landed on a planet called Brittle Hollow and started looking around for hints at what to do next. I found Nomai writing, pathways, and clues that led me closer and closer to the core of the planet, then everything suddenly flashed white.

Then, time loop, back at the beginning.

Honestly, this abrupt ending with no explanation felt jarring, so I consulted the internet for more information. Outer Wilds works on a 22-minute time loop that ends in the sun going supernova and destroying the solar system. The player’s goal is to discover––through repetition and retracing their steps over and over––what the Nomai people wanted to accomplish and attempt to continue their journey for them. It’s not an easy job when so many things in the solar system want to kill you, including your own spaceship (I can’t emphasize enough how unwieldy that thing is). Information comes slowly, and one might not even discover anything new at all on some trips. But still, the world is gorgeous, the music striking the emotion of a bluegrassy afternoon. 

You spend a lot of time alone up in space, but that’s part of what makes Outer Wilds so charming. The point of the game isn’t to improve your fighting skills or become better, it’s to see things, to take in the universe before it’s swept out from under your feet. We might all learn a lesson from that.

Outer Wilds is available for PC, XBox, and Playstation4 now.